As anticipated, last week was fairly quiet.
Straight after the double dose of poisons (Herceptin and Docetaxel) I felt really good and we were able to enjoy a lovely evening with friends. Then a few side effects kicked in;
- fatigue
- mild diarrhoea
- bloating
- stomach cramps
- sore mouth
Also my taste buds have done a complete runner again (FEC Cycle 1 was the last time so can’t really complain) and my mouth just feels slimy (thankfully not oral thrush this time though).
It’s difficult to find things to eat - I’m tempted to go for something highly flavoured but then it ‘burns’ - I think I want something and then as soon as I try to eat it YUK!!!! At the moment my favourite food is salad as it’s nice a cooling on the mouth and also pears. Still it’s doing wonders for my waistline.
I mentioned before about the now daily injections - actually two injections for the last 7 days - and it’s interesting 💤💤💤 😜that they are so different.
The immune boosting one is a super fine needle (A) that slides into my flab really easily, then the needle retracts back into the syringe and provided I've remembered to take it out of the fridge 1/2 hour beforehand it doesn't hurts at all. The other one (anti coagulant) is a thicker needle (B) and sometimes hurts like hell when I stick it in (and it doesn’t retract).
The spent needles certainly mount up quickly 💉💉💉 time for a new 'sharps box'
The one thing that seems to fluctuate quite wildly is my emotional state - sometimes I find it really easy to cope with everything (not just cancer/chemo related stuff, but life in general - including Mum 👿) but equally I can burst into tears for the silliest of things.
Quite a while back, just after I'd first started chemo, I heard about Look Good Feel Better workshops which are put on by a charity and arranged under the MacMillan umbrella. Without finding out much about it, I signed up for one at Maidstone Hospital for next February but I got a last minute call to say a vacancy had come up on last Monday's workshop, so I went. Maidstone Hospital is massive and parking is a nightmare - I drove in and out of 4 car parks before I found a space - I'm dreading it when I have to go for daily radiotherapy. Whereas my lovely Galton Unit is small and friendly, the Kent Oncology Centre is vast and impersonal and the waiting area is more like a railway station concourse. Of course I was ridiculously early and had to hang around for ages avoiding the coughs and sneezes 🤧🤧🤧of everyone around. Eventually someone called for those on the workshop and we went into a very small room which had been set up with "work stations" each consisting of a chair, vanity mirror and a make up bag. My heart sank, it was just all about make-up which you'll know from how I look really isn't my thing. But everyone around seemed very nice and friendly and I felt confident enough to take my Baker Boy cap off and show the "real me" - I was so glad I did, another lady wearing a wig said she couldn't as she looked - her words - like a baby orangutan. But after encouragement from me and another bald lady, she did and was so chuffed with herself. The other 9 had full heads of hair!!!
The "goodies"
The ladies running the session were all professional make-up people and volunteer their time to help us and the huge bags of goodies are donated by various cosmetic companies (not everyone has the same brand). And they demonstrated a routine from removal to application - and this is where I began to struggle. I can't explain why, but me and make up just don't go well together plus of course it is nigh on impossible to put stuff on your eyes when you're blind without glasses. Anyway to cut a long story short, I looked around me at one point and everyone looked quite lovely with their newly applied slap and then I looked at myself and I just looked dreadful - the tears slowly started to fall and I had to leave the room. I did go back in and try to continue and one of the lovely girls tried to fix my eyes but then she put some hideous bright orange lipstick on me and that was it - I had to go. Someone kindly got my handbag for me, they removed the slap and I left the place in tears.
The whole experience had the complete opposite effect of what was intended - a confidence booster - I'd walked in full of confidence,feeling slim, nicely dressed, and able to help someone else brave their bare head - and I left a snivelling wreck - confidence shattered.
Lesson learnt - just because it's free, doesn't mean it's for me (research needed in future!)
(This isn't meant in anyway to denigrate the Look Good Feel Better workshops or the lovely people who generously give their time and expertise and the cosmetics giants who support the charity - I did try to pay for my bag but they wouldn't hear of it)
The "goodies"
The ladies running the session were all professional make-up people and volunteer their time to help us and the huge bags of goodies are donated by various cosmetic companies (not everyone has the same brand). And they demonstrated a routine from removal to application - and this is where I began to struggle. I can't explain why, but me and make up just don't go well together plus of course it is nigh on impossible to put stuff on your eyes when you're blind without glasses. Anyway to cut a long story short, I looked around me at one point and everyone looked quite lovely with their newly applied slap and then I looked at myself and I just looked dreadful - the tears slowly started to fall and I had to leave the room. I did go back in and try to continue and one of the lovely girls tried to fix my eyes but then she put some hideous bright orange lipstick on me and that was it - I had to go. Someone kindly got my handbag for me, they removed the slap and I left the place in tears.
The whole experience had the complete opposite effect of what was intended - a confidence booster - I'd walked in full of confidence,feeling slim, nicely dressed, and able to help someone else brave their bare head - and I left a snivelling wreck - confidence shattered.
Lesson learnt - just because it's free, doesn't mean it's for me (research needed in future!)
(This isn't meant in anyway to denigrate the Look Good Feel Better workshops or the lovely people who generously give their time and expertise and the cosmetics giants who support the charity - I did try to pay for my bag but they wouldn't hear of it)
